You can’t watch an hour of television without seeing an ad for a new automobile or a commercial about drug abuse in America.  Rock stars, television personalities, and politicians all have the same message…stop using drugs.  Millions and millions of dollars have been spent on this campaign to have kids “just say no.”  Ask yourself, has it worked?  Just say no!

Young children are being inundated with commercials and inspirational speakers talking about the downfall of drug abuse.  Kids are not stupid.   They know they shouldn’t use drugs. They only need to hear that message a couple of times.

The reason drug use is still so high is that the powers that be are missing the point.  Using drugs is not the problem; it is only the symptom.  The real problem is that kids are bored out of their minds, they see no hope, and–most important–they feel like they just don’t belong.  Kids are still turning to drugs because they believe there is nothing else.

Well, here’s a news bulletin: we dads are the “something else” they need!  It is our responsibility to get our kids excited about things.  It is our job to help them realize they have endless potential and the future is theirs.  And, it is our mission to make darn sure they feel valued in their own family.  It’s called establishing a sense of belonging.

Belonging is the best way to protect your child from the corrosive effects of peer pressure. Human beings are, by nature, social animals.  And when you don’t fit in, you’re likely to try anything that might ease the pain of not belonging.

The research data is clear.  Children who have a significantly higher sense of belonging share these factors:

• They come from families that sit down for dinner together more often

•  They spend more time with their dads on regular weekdays

• They spend more time with their mom on regular Saturdays and Sundays

• They watch less TV during the school week

As a concerned parent, you naturally want to instill in your child the deep-down understanding that, no matter what, he or she can count on that sense of belonging.  So, how do you begin?  Here are some ideas:

• Share a Book Kids with a strong sense of belonging come from families where their parents read to them.  The act of sharing a book with a child has a way of generating a sense of connection and belonging that no TV show or video game can provide.

• Remembering Get out your old photo albums.  Show your child your bad haircuts, your goofy grins, those silly glasses you used to wear.  Share the successes and the failures of your childhood.  The more human you are, the more your children will be able to connect with you.  And, by sharing, you will forge connections that will resonate throughout your child’s life.

• Mail Time If you don’t live with your child, there are ways for you to make connections, too.  Send your child postcards.  Kids love getting mail.  The message can be short and sweet.  They’ll be thrilled you took the time to write something especially for them.  This doesn’t end as they get older.   My children are in college now.  I send them picture post cards when I travel from where ever I am.  My notes are not very serious – just a quick note that makes a connection.

It doesn’t take money or fancy training to give your child the advantages that go along with a sense of belonging.  Let’s stop worrying about getting our kids to “just say no” to drugs and begin as dads to “just say yes” when it comes to spending time with our children!

Filed under: Parenting Ideas/Innovations